Digital Signal Processing!

This about a conversation between two nerds or should I say geeks or the ones who are proud to be called as psychos of our class. They had this conversation just a couple of days before digital signal processing exam. I know it is quite some time back. But I suppose I was the only poor soul who happened to know about it. It did take me this long to recover from what ever I heard.
Well, here it goes

Jason: Silly fool it'll take 2 weeks to learn from proakis da dog without notes we are toast.

Compi: Then we have to turn the toaster off. There is no other way.

Jason: But the circuit breaker lies in the notes.

Compi: Then short the line ant the ground. It will automatically trip the circuit breaker.

Jason: But if the circuit breaker is not included in the bloody circuit the finite but small impedance of the line will cause a near infinite fault current to flow to ground and instead of getting toasted you will get fried. So include notes and you won't be fried. Or toasted.

Compi: This is where proakis comes in. the giant digital book will convert the high ac current to low digital signals and insulate you from the evil current and for safety if you connect schaum's series in parallel to you it will short any fault current to the ground leaving you untouched.

Jason: But you see the high ac voltage cannot be converted to low digital output without dissipation of energy elsewhere so the large resistive component offered by the large book will heat up due to I squared r losses so if u touch it or bring it too close you will be electrically insulated but physically cooked and monkeys will have you for dinner.

Compi: Proakis will convert the analog heat signal into digital form and give it to butterfly filter which will fly away with it leaving me cool

Jason: K fine go die don't say I dint warn you.

End of conversation!!!

Sardars!! what else :)

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.

Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.

Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!....
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...


A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"

Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...


Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and says,

"chal", it walks.

He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.

He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion.. ....

.. "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"
............ ......... ......... ......... ......... ...


Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend
" u said v will do register marriage and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post office...."

Two sisters

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family
ranch.

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial
trouble. In

order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to

purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if

I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me

and haul it home.'

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and
decides

she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for
$599, no

less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her

sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the

telegraph office, and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my

sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need

her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here

so we can haul it home.'

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then

adds, it will cost 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the
bull,

the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister

one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says , 'I want you to
send

her the word 'comfortable.'

The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that
you

want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out
here to

haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word

'comfortable?'

The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word is big. She'll

read it very slowly.... 'com-for-da-bul.'

Mokkais of the day

Q.How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (

Q.If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A.. No time at all it is already built.

Q.If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands :D

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night.

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that.

Q. What looks like half apple?
A : The other half.

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A : Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A : It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A : Liquid
:)

~~~LOLz~~~

More funny and stoopid jokes

Sardar recived a massege from his girl freind
"I MISS YOU "

After a lot of thinking

sardar reply to his girl friend

" I Mr YOU"


Why Government do NOT allow a Man to MARRY with two Women.
Because per Constitution, you can NOT BE PUNISHED TWICE for the same Mistake.



Employee of the month :D

Polish Mokkai

One day, an immigrant from Poland entered a New York City Police Precinct to
report that his American wife was planning to kill him.

The police officer on duty was intrigued by this, and he asked, "How sure
are you that she is gonna kill you? Did she threaten to kill you?"

"No," replied the nervous immigrant.

"Did you hear her tell someone else that she's gonna kill you?"

"No."

"Did someone tell you that your wife is gonna kill you?"

"No."

"Then why did you think she's gonna kill you?" asked the exasperated police
officer.

"Because I found bottle on dresser and I think she gonna poison me!" He
handed the police officer the suspect bottle.

The police officer took one look at the label on the bottle and started to
laugh out loud.

The immigrant became indignant and said, "What so funny? Can't you see the
label on bottle said 'Polish Remover'?"

Uthappa,Kartik & Yuvraj trying to get a good view of a girls A**

click the pic for full size

Sachin is a gentleman ;D as usual.

It's NOT my Fault x-|

Do u think that your favorite tamil song is not a copy???

Why create something new???
Yes.This is what most most of the music directors are thinking today...
It's acceptable to get inspired by others music, but flicking it and claiming it to be yours is something else :-| . Hearing others music is supposed to inspire music directors to create new stuff.

We all change some of the variables name if we r copying a program....That's a main point while copying, copy so that nobody knows...
But Deva thinks the otherway.. He even copied backstreet boys, wattan idiota!! he is..

Checkout how many songs he copied ditto
http://www.itwofs.com/tamil-deva.html

CHECK THIS!!!

Soap Dappa la En Chinna Chinna Ottai Irukku????....

Ans. Periya Ottai Irundha Soap Kizhe Vizhundhidum

The Mokkai limit

Hi,
In a recent paper our chief of R&D dept Mr.Al has proved that there's a limit to how much mokkai a person can hear at a stretch.

Lt mokkai->∞ (listener suffers from brain damage) :)

If you don't believe it test it urself.

# During a cricket match....
machan STRIKE rotate pannuda.
"ESTRIK"

# machan we're expecting more from u.
King khaja: yen juice expect pannu, yen cheapa more expect panra

# ellarum audi ponga
padikitay kooda polamay 0(

#define Chairman
chair okkanthiruntha chairman, konjam vayasu ayirundha wise chairman

# This was written on a board in SHAR

In case of fire do not get the panic
Calm down and then run shouting fire!!!

ciao

Compi Kumar b'day error

This is a good one:
Compi Kumar b'day today. And we had a "cake".
"The Cake" read 'Happy B'day Terror'
Nice way to put it across.
Me and jas started to smudge off a few spills before cutting the "cake".
I took a little bit, off the letter 'T' and licked me finger clean. Jas took the rest of the 'T' and licked his finger clean.
"The Cake" now read:
'Happy B'day error'

SHAR one liner

As usual, King Khaja bowled an unplayable in-swinging yorker.. A one liner.
We were standing near the lightning towers at the Launch Pad at SHAR.
The King:
"Launch Pad vechi exam ezhudha mudiyuma?"
(I'm not typing the aftermath because we were left staring into the horizon, 'speechless')

The King himself, STUMPED!!

Timing was,is and will always be King Khaja's greatest ally. He prides himself on this and ofcourse the technicality of the matter.
However, in an out of the blue incident which is described below, The King himself was stumped!!
courtesy: Raghunath.
A one off incident to apply as an assistant to The King.
We were all standing outside the MicroP Lab(which eventually got cancelled because of a power failure.. unfortunately)
Raghunath(Rth): What is this division's name?
Me: Power System Division
Rth: What's this division's name now?
Me: !!??
Rth: System Division
Me: !!??
Rth: There is no power now. Hence it is only "System Division"
Me: :(
King Khaja himself, on hearing this was stumped!

DSP Class Mokkai

What does this mean???
The poles lie at 90 degrees apart from each other.......
Does this mean the poles start to lie(speak) when they are 90 dergrees apart or????

Mokkais that make u think :)

Yo! ppl. Technically speakin mokkais shouldn't be analyzed.Cos if u try to think wat it means logically it leads to another mokkai ;D

# what is quarter vayasu?
college!!!

#why did the dog jump into the water?
May be it saw a cat fish ;)

#What's the breakdown strength of man?
It depends on the weight of person sitting on his leg.
-The King

#King you are an outstanding mokkaist
No. i'm insitting , cos i'm sitting inside lab :-!

#During a maths exam a student suddenly started dancing? teacher was puzzled
teacher: ennapa exam halla dance aadara?
student: neenga thana teacher steps ku mark tharuvaeneenga!!!!!

Mokkai Supremacy !!!

In a recent meeting with the dignitaries it was decided that we should encourage ppl to put mokkai.so we've decided to rank the 'No. 1' mokkaist of the month and give him/her a prize. ;D

Everyone is requested to rate the mokkais and type ur comments :)


Unfortunately tamil font was not available and it wasn't translating well.
So please kindly adjust.



#what bow can't be tied?
Rainbow

#what happens if u eat yeast and shoe polish?
Every mornin u'll rise and shine

#what happens to cows during an earthquake?
They give milk shakes

#Where do cows go on a holiday?
Moo york !!!

#Why did the lion not eat the man who entered the forest?
Cos he is a Lion's club member :-!

#Which dish knows swimming?
Idli. ( though i've seen it swim only on sambar)
i don't think kushbu idly knows swimming :)

# where do bulls get their messages?
On a bull-etin board?

# Why did the bull enter the office?
Cos there was a bul-let-in board outside ;)

#why did the barber win the race?
cos he took a short cut!!!

#why did the tree go to the dentist?
To get a root canal

#why did the child study on the plane?
cos he wanted higher education.....
wat if he wanted elementary education? will he keep studying the periodic table? ;)

Mokkai on waves. part 1

hey guys i forgot the mail id's sent to my phone. so everyone send ur mail id to my mail.

#guy1:hey we'll put ice in his bath
guy2:look close he's havin an ice bath
guy2:then we'll put colder ice in it :)

#Hey are u going to the restaurant opening today?
It's my restaurant!
oh!

#intha led eriyuma eriyatha?
pathavecha theriyapoguthu!!


NSO Comedies

#Trainer:The swimming pool has the cleaning purpose, so no nso today :-!

#This is mr.bala ex trainer for our late olympics runner up karnam malleshwari (wat's the meaning)

#two of you form a circle

#All of u fall on the line.(everyone fell on the line and got gurt :))

#A man was drivin thru a jungle. a peacock was smilin at him from the side of the road. he smiled back and kept drivin. after sometime another peacock was smilin at him from side. he did the same thing again. after sometime he saw another peacock smilin at him. he got scared and ranaway. why did this happen?


he was drivin *** car. it's tag line is "More smiles per mile" more=peacock. that's y :)

Cheers!!

More From the King

Yo! PPl
Here's the rest of the terrors from King Khaja Ð:-)
# Mam:Switch on the ac supply
K: ac a pota jillunae kaathe varala?

# Dean aka srinath:Machan nee mokkai poduva nu ethirpaakarom.come on!!
K: en ethir paakaran. pinnala parau illa munnala paaru, atleast sidelayavathu paaru :-!

This is supposed to be a physics qn in AIEEE, but.........
#A bear falls from 20m height in 2 secs. so what'll be it's colour
K:RED
Redda?
K: kila vulunthu adi pattu ratham vanthiduchuna reda thana irukkum!!!

Cheers
Mokka 4 Life

King Khaja

HV Lab mokka(today)..

Kannan(I am) to Seetha : dei.. oru vati shave panta ella, thirumbi shave pantu maintain panla ella?
Khaja(intervening) : Yen da Seetha, orae vati pannanuna
"save as" kuduthura vendi dhanae.. thirumbi shave panna thevayae ella.

me nd vj looked at each other fer 5 secs, dunno which cascade transformer we needed to use to bang our heads.

Observation Drawin mokka(old)..

Here's the scenario :
I am sitting at the last bench drawing the circuit diagram in me obsy. AP hits me shoulder by mistake, and the pencil shook. Khaja suddenly gave a huge gasp, stared at AP and shouted at him calling him a careless, ignorant rascal(not included in this list are etc.. Reason : Public Forum).
Then Khaja said "nalla vela onnum agala".
Me nd AP didn noe wat was happenin. So we decided to ask Khaja bout it at our own peril and thus unfortunatlely a scene of destruction followed:
Khaja to me : "Dei kanna, nalla vela da romba damage onnum agala da. Ne supply oda +ve um -ve um short panirundhaennu vechiko, dum nu vedichirukum, ellamae sidharirukkum"
(I realized I was drawin the supply at dat time)

Long Live King Khaja
King Khaja continues..

Caution:Danger ahead!!!!

Caution:Danger ahead!!!!

#Girl1:U know the guy next door, yesterday he woke up dead.
Girl2: wait a min. How did he wake up after being dead is he zombie or what?
Girl1:Zombies don't wake up dead. They're already dead, so they don't wake up.
Girl2:Then how do they walk. May be they're alive after being dead!!
Girl1:So u mean u can kill a zombie since it's alive after dead!
Girl2: Technically if u killed a living zombie, u killed a dead guy.
:>

#Wat is michael jackson?
80% silicon, 19 % evil , 1% make up.

#Do you write letters usually?
I write words too!! :~! -Pandu

#Translation:
Worm fire: puluthee

#Neruppa anaicha sudathu?? ;8-)

#Doctor which is good for health? Smoking in a non-smokin area or smokin in a smoke free area

# u 've 2 cigarattes, u desperately want to smoke,wat 'll u do?

1)Throw 1 in the water and make a wish. a mermaid'll come out. ask for a lighter(usually dumb ppl do this)
2)Throw 1 cig into water so the boat becomes LIGHTER, use it.(note: boat'll be burning so jump into the water)
3)Throw the cigar and catch it. Catches win matches. use it(best idea since u don't lose anything, unless u r in indian team)
4)start praising 1 cig, the other'll be jealous and start burnin(This goes only for female cigarettes)

Mokkai 4 Life
Cheers

Who is stressed more during a stress interview?

Yo!.Good day to all.

The following is an abstract from few of my friends' P.O.M papers answers for stress interview.
All the characters are purely fictional 0:)
Interviewer-I, Student -S.

I-Hello Mr.**** May i see ur resume.
S-(nervous) Ye yesss sir
I-So ur from EEE dept?
S- (Silent)
I-Ok. Do u know how a fluorescent light works?
S-Sir. There is a Four feet long filament inside the tube sir. when it gets heated the 'light' glows. And also the filaments will be bent and whenever vacuum comes in contact with it, current 'stammers' and so light also stammers.
I-(confused) I think I'm the one who is stressed. give me sec please ( he runs away )

-Courtesy Dawood.

Today's Mokkais

Hi ppl. Unfortunately too many mokkai are being put these days. It's becoming impossible for me to remember all of them. Here's today's quota

Note: Not for the faint hearted :D

# Man is a social animal
Then are woman a science animal?

# Who is an objective person?
Guy who gives one word answers

# Who is the person above you?
None.There is no floor above this one.

# Dhoni is good only for 20-20 but he won't last till 2020

# Wat is time language?
Language used in Time Magazine

# Spirit is willing but flesh is weak
Translation: Vodka is good but beef is rotten.

# Wat is a lose-lose situation?
Situation where both parties act like loosu

# What is Johari Windows?
Probably next version of windows

Hope u r not dead...... yet..

The mokkai origin

Mokkai
its been 3 three years studying in UG and still the origin of this complex term "MOKKAI" is unknown to me! One thing is pretty certain all this mokkai concept is highly individualistic. What one terms as mokkai the other considers it as a good joke(i know mokkai is always a mokkai! and offcourse its only the inventor of the mokkai considers it as a joke ;)). Its the enthusiasm shown by the listeners of these mokkais in the nascent stage which has given room for all this present growth of mokkais. But still many people defend that its just an individual ignorance spontaneously exhibited by that particular being unknowingly and there is no harm in listening to these. Yet the same listeners never restrain themselves from commenting these individuals as comical or bit more harsh (sometimes!). Yet the mokkai never stops... its the attitude( the best of all) of the branded individuals(known for the mokkais) that allows them to continue the never ending saga....

I know by the end of this blog you are pretty sure how much this whole mokkai phenomena has
influenced me....
this blog is not to generalise on the fact that mokkais are never to be allowed to prevail....
but to say that its highly infectious and precaution oneself as much as possible to avoid cracking one that of a lowest cadre of a pj.
saying about pj... mokkais are never considered as pj's.
its just the worst mokkai that becomes a pj.

I hope the readers have got a clear picture to differentiate a acceptable mokkai and a pj
and im pretty sure you are waiting to have ur vendatta on me for giving a wonderful experience on this complex phenomena, but i consider this as my duty to advocate you on the basics of all the mokkais prevalent in our college surroundings... and help you have a better way of ennjoying these.....
having given you ppl a clear idea lets see the everlasting mokkais in my college life
the situ was my fren getting his ankle twisted on the pavement near a coffee shop.
we a group of four were helping him get out of hiss pain... all of a sudden i spoke out the most mokkaist sentence in my life "De dont get affraid of the fear da !!" it took me a few more mins to realise wat i spoke .. but then this wasnt all... the real mokkai came out wen my injured fren turned to me and asked"oh mach is this wat yo call it as FEARAPHOBIa, eh?"
my goodness!!
we all bursted out loudly... and to the best of all my fren walked back all the way to the class forgetting his pain and happily enjoying the cornation of a new term in the history of mokkai...

Moral: mokkai has medicinal effects!!!!

considering your survival probability , i have decided to continue the rest of the mokkais in the upcoming posts.....(look !!how much i care about my readers)
anyways the mokkais shall continue....muhahahhah!!!

mokkai rocks!

Top Mokkais of the day

1)Guy1:Jas why didn't do well in the P.O.M test?
Guy2:I didn't bring my calculator.

2)Guy1:Machan match eppo varum?
Guy2: Fill in the Blanksku apparam varum.

3)Guy1: What'll happen if u pour water on a quadratic equation
Guy2: Errrr. dono
Guy1:The roots will absorb the water. and if the roots are imaginary the water isn't absorbed.

Let's Start the mokkai

Ok. Lets' start the mokkai.
Note:The mokkai's below are only what i heard not mine
Any one who wants to be an author sent me mail or post it in comment.

Do you believe in 'Signs' or 'Science'?

I wanted to start this blog with the Mokkaiest mokka I've ever heard, but unfortunately so many unfortunate things have happened today. So due to pressure from friends i've decided to start this blog with a message.


Today was like every other Thursday. Sun rose from beach ,dogs were fighting over a road and the cars were running with 5 wheels. Everything was fine till the evening. My friend seetha asked me to help him with getting a certificate for an event. So after the job was over he agreed to give me company to parking & i agreed to drop him near the kotturpuram gate. It was already
5 P.M and i was very tired and wanted to go home fast. Didn't see the cars waiting or so many pedestrians standing still until i heard a lady shouting "STOP THAT VEHICLE" from distance.
I wasn't sure who she was calling and kept driving. The road was deserted, i understood something was wrong and took a look at the rear view mirror. The Governor's convoy was driving parallel with me. What in the hell!! Un fortunately a police uncle was waiting for me in a corner and stopped me.

Then Terror Happened. The Lady who was shouting was a S.I. and started screaming "Dei nee terrorist thane!!! ". All the Traffic police surrounded me like vultures. ho ho i'm in serious shit. jail thaandi onakku. After so many hours of convincing that it was a mistake and i'm a good boy :>. "Police uncle police uncle intha oru vaati mannichu uttudunga o:) " He asked me for my license and all the stuff. Terror!! i didn't have my insurance and license. I gave my smart card for license and tried to convince him with some xerox papers that it's my insurance. Unfortunately he found out that it's my Birth certificate(too much intelligence).
All the police suddenly disappeared and only one guy was left. He took my key and was demanding for my insurance. me:"Aha paatha kaena paya maari irukkaan. inda neram paathu 100 ruba nota inrukke :( " I tried to bribe him with 100 rupees. He didn't budge. "Aha paya 200 ethir paakarano.Avalavu illiye nammatta!!" After trying all my tactics got irritated. I mean, what kinda police doesn't accept bribery? he asked me to go get the insurance. Yes sir. Got a share auto and finally reached my home. Ok. how does an insurance look like? Will it be pink color paper or yello color paper. Unfortunately my father,the only person who knew where the bike's insurance was kept was busy and didn't take my calls. 5 missed calls 10 missed calls, 20 missed calls, no reply. After searching all over my house for a colorful paper my father came home finally. Unfortunately the company printed the insurance in a white paper. My father gave me extra cash,i took only 60 rupees (stupid me) and left.

What a time to rain? and no auto in the streets. Something is definitely wrong. While i was searching for auto a beautiful babe in pink color T-shirt with cut sleeves and hair straitened and coloured to near blond with low hip Jeans with steel buttons on her right back pocket giving an inviting look at me. "God.Don't let me find you".y me???? Another bad sign.
After a while i came back to my senses and started searching for an auto.Finally on my way back to college.

Suddenly my phone started ringing."Machan naan seetha pesaren. Avan shift mudinchidunchan da kelambitirukkaan.100 ruba pothumaam seekaram vaa". Aiyo still wat else is waiting for me :-( Got caught in a traffic jam reached there after 15 mins only to find that there was another guy with. I got angry.Though i didn't show my anger i was still angry believe me. That guy was asking for 1000 bucks i was trying to do it without spending anymore. i tried all sorts of stories one guy got convinced but the other was adamant. After half an hour he settled for 200 but i was adamant that i'll give only 100. Time was running short i asked that guy to wait and called Mr.GoldBell to help me with some cash. Finally i gave him the cash and got my bike.

All this for a bike which is not worth 1000 bucks. wat a pity.

On my way back i didn't see that the manhole was open and some idiot placed so many stones around it. It hit the silencer and nearly threw me out. AAAAAAAArrrrrghhhhhhhhhh

"God. U're seriously messing up my life.If u have something to say send me an sms" My phone got switched off saying battery low.

Wat should i believe now?